I just made out with a guy for $7.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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