dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
