Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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