put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
