watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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