one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
