I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
