Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
