No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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