I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
