I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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