jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
