3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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