according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
