Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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