i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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