Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Randomize
