so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
