I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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