put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I need to calm my uterus...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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