Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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