Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
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