By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
