let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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