You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
