that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
