Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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