Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
