I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
