i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
