Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
