Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
