he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize