the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
