Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
