Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
