She bit a glass in half.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize