I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
