He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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