Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
