Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
