I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
