my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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