I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
