His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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