I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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