its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
