Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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