Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
