If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize