I've blown a few things in my day
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
