She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize