how can u be prego again
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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