I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
