i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize