dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Dignity is for republicans.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
