i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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