So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
