I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize