I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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