Already got asked if we're dating
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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