i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
