we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
