Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Randomize
