When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize