i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just want to make out with him forever
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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