so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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