What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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