You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
