it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
