Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize