can u get pink eye on your cock?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
