Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
