did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
