Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Randomize
