I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
