i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Come see our sink grown plant.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
