Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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