im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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