I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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