I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
