I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
