Buhtt sex?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Randomize
