Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
either way he was missing a nipple.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
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