ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
