I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize