Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Mom said you looked used
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
