Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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