my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
