What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
