Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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