Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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