Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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