Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
