I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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