Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
