i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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