Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
