he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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