Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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