Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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