if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize