I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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