When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
