I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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