At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
