You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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