There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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