I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
