I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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