I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
