he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize