I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
