just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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