omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he was CRYING into my vagina
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
