ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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