I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Randomize
