The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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