I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
