I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
