yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Are we still banned from the library?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
