Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
When did angry sex become our thing?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
